The Secrets We Keep
by Alice Twerkland
Summary: "She's my little sister, she's all I have left!" Fem!Edward, Fem!Alphonse.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: _Genderbent!Ed and Al is something I've always wanted to mess with. And I have no idea where I'm going with this, so bear with me!

_Disclaimer: _I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

It's no secret around Central Command that the Elric siblings have something to hide.

When the soldiers of Central first heard wind of Edward Elric, a fifteen-year-old who managed to pass the exams to become a State Alchemist when he was only twelve, they all had certain expectations upon meeting the kid when it was announced the Elrics were making a trip down to Central Command while Edward was on leave.

Only a handful of soldiers were present when the train carrying the Elrics pulled up to the station in South Central, two of which being Majors Maes Hughes and Alex Louis Armstrong, ordered to greet the infamous siblings by the Führer himself and told to expect a suit of armor accompanied by a person in a red coat. The suit of armor was spotted first, stepping off the train toting a small suitcase and nothing else, glancing around the crowded station and then pointing excitedly when the Central forces were noticed.

Glancing over its shoulder, the suit – who at that point was assumed to be the Fullmetal Alchemist – seemed to call to someone before another person stepped down from the train, arms stretched over their head in a luxurious stretch as their gaze slid lazily over to where the suit was pointing. They had strikingly blonde hair pulled back into a braid, and as the two approached the awaiting soldiers, the Fullmetal Alchemist's companion tugged restlessly at the red coat over their shoulders, also wearing tight-fitting black pants, a matching shirt, and combat boots, sporting a frown that seemed to glare dangerously at anyone who dared glance at the odd pair.

"Edward Elric!" Major Maes Hughes had exclaimed once the two were in hearing range, stepping forward to grip excitedly at the suit of armor's hand while everyone else hung back, reserved in the presence of such a well-known hero. "It's a pleasure to meet you. We here in Central have heard so much about your endeavors in the field! You won't have to worry about a thing while you're here, sir, we'll take care of everything!"

But the respectful – albeit over-enthusiastic – greeting wasn't exactly well received. The person in the armor jerked as if hit, ripping his hand from the Major's with a slight sound of discomfort that sounded a little bit too high-pitched, especially for a fifteen-year-old boy.

A cry of indignation sounded from the suit's side, and when Major Hughes spared a glance at the one in the coat, he was greeted with golden eyes filled with liquid fire. "Hey, dip-weed!" The person snapped, and the soldiers behind the Major stiffened in shock. "_I'm_ the Fullmetal Alchemist, not _her! _I swear, Al, if one more person makes that mistake I'm gonna – "

"Sister, calm down, it was just a misunderstanding!"

Aside from assuming that the Elrics were boys and the one in the armor was the infamous "Alchemist of the People," no one had expected that Edward Elric would actually turn out to be some foul-mouthed, ill-tempered teenage girl lacking in class, height, and boobs, the latter of which was an extremely touchy subject that only those with a death wish would dare bring up.

Alphonse Elric – dubbed Ali, Al, or Fullmetal's sister depending on whom you're asking – was the one who walked around in an absolutely enormous suit of armor that should have dwarfed a girl her age. She'd never been seen without the suit. No one even knew what her face looked like beneath the mask, but they never said anything, figuring that there _must _have been a reason. Perhaps even a serious one.

It didn't help matters any that Alphonse was single-handedly one of the sweetest kids anyone in the service had ever met, making it pretty impossible to grill her for details on her suspicious outward appearance. Some have come close to inquiring while Alphonse's "entourage" was otherwise preoccupied, though those few usually ended up rejoining their comrades with a solid resolve to never bring up the issue again, even if Alphonse herself wasn't in the vicinity.

And if the girl's disposition weren't enough to deter any prying, no sane soldier wants to be the one to make the Fullmetal Alchemist's younger sister upset.

Everyone learned pretty early on that despite being only a girl with a fairly masculine name, Edward Elric wasn't one to be messed around with. She had to be carried away by Alphonse that first day at the station when someone unwittingly commented on her flat chest, spitting antagonistic words that somehow left no room for wondering if perhaps they were just empty threats.

She spent her weekdays at the State Library or wandering around the Command Center, gloved hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her pants as she observed the soldiers in action on a day-to-day basis. All the soldiers kept on their toes when in her presence; especially when Alphonse wasn't around, who was the only person who could actually keep her sister in line most days. Edward always seemed to be in a sour mood, always frowning and never laughing. It was off-putting, especially when paired up with Alphonse, who could communicate a smile through only a glance, though eerie a glance it was.

The sisters were usually never far apart. Alphonse would shadow her older sister like a lost puppy, the sound of her clinking armor echoing through the halls as she followed after Edward on whatever endeavor the teenager thought suited her at the time. She never had anything negative to say about her older sister and never took the bait when given opportunities to do so, redirecting the conversation with a finesse even grown men or women didn't always posses.

Edward, in turn, would pace every time her sister left the Command Center on her own, though she acted as if she hadn't been concerned whenever Alphonse came back. Alphonse was never the wiser, though the soldiers were, who witnessed the obvious distress on the alchemist's face, a worry that always seemed to be more maternal than anything else.

When Edward received a phone call from Eastern Command Center one day, the girls' stay in Central came to an abrupt end. "That damn Colonel." Edward was reported to have said as she stalked back to her room, Alphonse trailing behind her. "Sends me to Central to _cool off for a bit_ and then calls a week and a half later to put me on some job in the East. He needs to make up his mind and stop jerking me around when we could be looking for the - "

"You really should calm down, Ed. Mustang wouldn't have called us if it weren't important. You should trust in his decisions more."

"Tch. Yeah, I'll do that just as soon as he asks Hawkeye to marry him."

The sisters left Central by train the day after, leaving so many questions left unanswered, aside from the unimportant, "Why did your parents decide to give their daughters names that aren't really feminine?"

Why were girls as young as the Elrics on their own? Where were their parents, why had Edward decided to join the military, and why had she been accepted in the first place? Female State Alchemists were uncommon, because most didn't have the stomach to use their alchemy for military purposes. How was it that a girl of fifteen could liberate Liore and throw corrupt military leaders in jail without even batting an eye?

Alphonse was never seen without her armor, and Edward never took off her red coat and white gloves when it public. Something was off about the way Edward walked. No one could recall seeing Alphonse eat. And to top it all off, Edward didn't need to use transmutation circles to use alchemy, could just clap her hands and attack with the agility, ferocity, and skill of someone twice her size and age.

Just who exactly were Edward and Alphonse Elric?


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: _I decided not to just rewrite the entire series with them as girls, mostly because I'm not sure I could finish it if I tried. So, I'm just going to jump around a bit here and there, make up some scenes, recreate others, flashbacks, that sort of thing, but I won't go from, say, Ling's introduction all the way to the final fight with Father. I'll try to keep the chapters within the same time frame. And this will take place in the Brotherhood universe. At this point, they've gone to Liore but haven't seen Scar or the homunculi yet.

And I'm sure you wondered why I didn't change their names. To be honest, I'm not sure. I've seen gender-bend stories before, so I guess I wanted to make this one at least somewhat unique and keep the names the same? I'm only experimenting here. I used to have a friend who was a girl whose name was Edward, though we called her Ed or Eddie, and it always worked for her. I did change Winry's name though, 'cause I ended up switching her gender, too. I have some head-canons about a male Winry. This gender-swap business is fun to mess with, let me tell you.

* * *

She was supposed to be a boy.

Or her dumb ass father was _convinced_ she was going to be a boy when her mom announced she was pregnant with her.

The baby shower invitations declared, "It's a boy!" in a fancy, cursive font. The gifts were for a boy. The nursery was decorated _for a boy_. Boy's clothes, boy name, but when the actual baby came? Wait for it...

A girl.

And since everyone had known the baby in her mom's stomach to be a son from the earliest stages of the pregnancy, and some of her mom's friends thought it was "bad luck" to change a baby's name once it's had it for more than a few months, the daughter of Van Hoenheim and Trisha Elric found herself saddled with the name Edward.

Not that she minds any, a name shouldn't determine a person anyway, but seriously? Couldn't they have made some alterations? Even _tiny _ones, just so she doesn't have to explain to everyone she meets that, yes, she is a girl and to just call her Ed?

Perhaps it had been an issue of pride, something Edward supposes she can relate to on a fundamental level, though she's still not sure why her mom took her father's word so seriously back then, not just once, but _twice._

Alphonse, at the very least, wasn't just a product of Hoenheim's misguided assumptions. Not entirely, anyway. Hoenheim said he was certain it would be a boy this time, but their mom wanted to be sure so as not to end up with another daughter wearing guy's clothes until they found the time and means to buy new ones. They ordered an ultrasound and even the doctors were convinced the baby was going to be male, so the name Alphonse was picked out.

Edward was barely a year old at the time, so she hardly remembers all the preparations and festivities, or even being told that she was going to have a baby brother toward the end of the year, but she does know that Alphonse ended up with an X chromosome and made about three and a half men look like complete and utter idiots.

While Alphonse got off lucky in the nicknames department - Ali and Al are apparently _so much cuter_ than Ed or Eddie - both Elric sisters were teased for their names in school. It only happened once, for Edward dealt with that swiftly and no fun was poked ever again. Or at least when neither of them was around. Edward couldn't do anything about it then, though she'd always hated cowards.

Edward doesn't remember much before she turned six. It was always just waking up next to Al, going to school, walking home with her sister and Wes – a close family friend – and spending time with her mom. Her childhood was normal enough, if you don't count the war that was raging a few hundred miles to the east in Ishval, and on a basic level, Edward has no complaints. But she does recall waking up to Alphonse's whimpers one night, rolling over on their shared pad on the floor to poke her sister's shoulder. "Ali? What's the matter?"

"Gotta go potty."

"Then go."

"Too scared."

Edward took her sister's hand and led her out of their bedroom, standing outside the bathroom once Alphonse was inside and waiting, almost nodding off but managing to push sleep away when Al started singing softly to herself while she did her business, noting not for the first time that her sister was really weird. They were heading back to bed when Edward heard voices from the hall, and she tugged Al along in her urge to investigate, Al following after because she was too exhausted to do much else.

"Oh!" Their mother said once the two managed to stumble their way through the darkened hallways of their house. "What are you girls doing out of bed?"

Edward stifled a yawn behind her hand, tightening her grip on Al's fingers as she started to sway unsteadily. "Al said she had to go potty."

Her mother's smile had always made her feel warm and at peace when she was a kid, and even while half-asleep Edward managed to hum happily when her mom bent down to stroke her cheek and steady Alphonse, smiling softly despite the distracted, troubled look in her eyes. "And you were a good big sister and went with her, didn't you, Ed?"

Edward giggled, glancing over at Al with the intent to lead her younger sister away, but then her mom shifted slightly and Edward realized they weren't alone in the hall. A hulking figure was standing just in the doorway, though Edward didn't need to think to know it was her dad. She tipped her head as her mom moved completely out of the way, wondering where he was going so early in the morning, but then she saw it.

The look that had been present in Hoenheim's eyes that day as he stared at her is a weight Edward has carried on her back ever since. She'll never forget the contempt she saw there, the cold indifference with which he regarded his young daughters right before walking out of their lives for good, never to look back. They'd never been close. Hoenheim spent more time in his study than he ever did with her or Al or even their mom, but she'd never thought he would actually leave them. The idea had been inconceivable.

Nowadays, Edward is annoyed by her own childish ignorance.

Her mom cried more after that day. Al never noticed, but Edward did. They'd be on a picnic with Aunt Pinako and Wes and Edward would pause in her play to take note of the way her mom swiped at her eyes while Pinako gripped her shoulder gently, only dragging her eyes away when Wes tackled Al to the ground and Edward went to play savior.

Not to say they weren't happy without him, because they were. Edward went weeks, sometimes even months without thinking about her dad or the fact that he'd left, though she became irate whenever he was mentioned, smacking Alphonse upside the mouth if she ever decided to casually bring him up. It irritated Edward that her sister didn't seem to be as bothered by their dad's disappearance as she was. Couldn't she see the pain their mom was in? Hadn't she seen the look in his eyes when he left?

Even as she stood by with eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed, receiving a lecture while Alphonse wailed unhappily in their mom's arms, bottom lip swollen by a previous blow from her older sister, Edward had understood that only she was capable of seeing exactly what Hoenheim had done, and one way or another, she was going to make Alphonse see it, too.

But more important issues arose in the years following, and Edward realized Hoenheim wasn't even worth the effort.

She was ten when her mom died. Al was only nine, though she'd cried like an infant when they came home from school one day to find their mom on the floor. Edward ran as fast as her legs could take her down the path leading to the Rockbell residence, breathing erratically and able to hear Alphonse screaming all the way back at the house, the only thoughts in her head being: _run faster _and_ get Granny_.

After that, they were no longer known as Edward and Alphonse Elric, two girls with guy names. No, they were Edward and Alphonse Elric, orphans, alone in the world now that their mom was dead, taken by a plague that had raged through Resembool when they were kids, though neither of them had known anything about the disease before it suddenly took everything from them.

The day of the funeral, the sisters stayed behind while everyone else went back to their homes, promising Pinako and Wes that they would come for dinner in a while, that they just needed a moment to themselves. Edward watched them leave before turning back to her mother's grave, staring sadly at the back of Al's head as she sat before the tombstone, knees to her chest and face buried within them. "Sister." She'd mumbled, stray locks of her golden hair swaying in the breeze that bore down on them. Edward had tried to do her sister's hair before the service, and while it hadn't ended up looking too terrible, she just wasn't as good as her mom had been. Al wouldn't say so, but Edward knew. "I'm hungry. And I'm cold."

The notches in Al's spine became more pronounced against the black fabric of her dress as she hunched forward even more, shoulders beginning to tremble with the weight of what they had lost. Edward moved forward, taking hold of her sister's loose ponytail in both hands and removing the tie, allowing the bright blonde strands of Al's hair to sway freely in the wind. Edward looked on, frowning. "Don't you worry, Ali. We won't have to live without her for long. We're gonna bring her back."

The two had delved into the world of alchemy even before their mom died, though the interest wasn't as severe. Al had found the books while they were rooting through Hoenheim's old study one day, and after coaxing Edward to read them out loud, they'd both decided to try their hand at this alchemy thing. They'd mainly done it to see their mom smile as brightly as she had the first time she caught Edward drawing transmutation circles on the floor. The alchemy itself was tainted by the memory of Hoenheim and what he had done to them, but Edward managed to look past that so long as her mom smiled so warmly at them.

The science the two had learned as a means to keep their mom happy turned into a way to make _themselves_ happy after she died, and while the books had told them it was forbidden – the science of human transmutation, that is – they did it anyway, unknowing of the consequences, too real and too gruesome to even begin to recount on a page in some alchemy book.

Edward doubts anything would have prepared her for the moment during the transmutation when things started to go horribly wrong, when the bright lights of alchemy, which at one point had symbolized hope and rebirth, turned dark and sinister, heavy with the weight of foreboding.

Alphonse shouted as she had the day their mom died, straining towards Edward even as thick tendrils of black smoke tugged at her very being, pulling her further and further away, further apart, disintegrating her entire body right before Edward's eyes. "Ed! _Edward!"_ Alphonse cried, struggling with everything she had, golden eyes wide with terror and regret, knowing that they'd made a mistake and something awful was going to happen, _was happening, _even as the two sisters reached for each other. "Sister! Sister, _please!_"

"No, Al!" Edward shrieked, lurching forward with the intention to grab her younger sister. If they were going to die, they'd die together. But her own tendrils of smoke grabbed at her leg, pulling her back and away from Alphonse, and Edward was sobbing even as her sister disappeared, and everything turned white, went silent, leaving Edward alone with her arm still outstretched, eyes wide and mouth agape, tears streaming down her face without her even remembering why they were there in the first place.

The Truth was a frightening thing, a mass of energy that spoke with the wisdom of an adult in the voice of a child. It gave Edward everything, the truth of human transmutation and everything there was to know about the world and alchemy before taking it all away, along with her left leg.

Edward came to on her back, arching into the empty air and grasping at what remained of her leg, able to feel the blood oozing between her fingertips as she scrambled feebly to stop the flow, rolling onto her side with a scream of agony, the light from the transmutation glowing brightly behind her closed lids before dimming down to almost nothing. "Mom." She whimpered, pressing her forehead onto the cold floor beneath her and gritting her teeth, already starting to become dizzy from blood loss. "Mom, Mommy, _please_ – "

It wasn't human, what they created. Not even close. It was a black mass of broken bones, useless muscles, and throbbing organs, something straight from a nightmare. It hissed and moved, gasped for breath just as Edward had been doing before. It began to reach for Edward, red eyes fixated firmly on the girl's own, but no sooner after that it died with a giant sigh, vomiting blood onto the floor that seeped closer and closer to Edward with each passing second, who watched all of this with the sickening realization that she and Al had planned and sacrificed for nothing, she had lost her leg, and Al –

"Ali!" Edward hiccuped, releasing her hold on her stump – it was a useless attempt anyway – and pushed herself up on her forearms, whipping her head around to stare at where Alphonse was supposed to be, the short strands of her bloodied hair whipping into and stinging her eyes, though she hardly felt anything at all.

Her sister was gone. Nothing remained except the white blouse, blue jeans, and sneakers she'd been wearing during the transmutation. Not even a speck of blood marred that side of the floor. It was as if Alphonse had simply vanished.

Edward couldn't breathe. The last remaining member of her family was gone. "This... "

They'd only wanted to see their mom again, to see her smile and return to whatever resemblance of normalcy they'd had since Hoenheim left and the war in Ishval spread further to the west. "This isn't what we wanted."

It was all her fault. Edward had planted the seed of human transmutation in her sister's head and had promised so many things, reassured her over and over again that they could bring their mom back to life. She'd dragged her to Dublith and that stupid island and all the way back only for that... _thing _to come back instead of their beloved mom. "What have I done?_ Dammit!"_

She was hardly aware of whatever happened next, how she'd gotten over to the suit of armor in the corner of her dad's study, although she knew she'd had to crawl past that thing that was supposed to be her mom to get to it. She hissed in pain as she dug her fingers into the wound below her thigh, too focused on her sister to even think about the fact that she only had one leg left, and soon her jittery fingers were drawing a pattern onto the inside of the armor, a design that Edward couldn't physically see but was looking at in her mind, as if it had been in her long-term memory for many years before that day.

"G – Give her back." She choked as she pushed herself into a sitting position, reaching forward to clutch helplessly at the suit of armor as if it were actually her baby sister, unable to see past her tears but blinded even more by the agony she felt on the inside. She'd never begged before, not for anything or anyone. But in that moment, Edward would have done anything if it meant Alphonse would come back to her. That Truth bastard... it was listening. She was sure it was! It had to be, it just had to! "She's my sister. Take my leg. Take my arm. Take my heart, _anything_, you can have it! Just give her back. _She's my little sister, she's all I have left!_"

Edward clapped her hands together.

Everything after that is a bit of a blur. She does recall opening her eyes at the sound of wind roaring in her ears and armor pieces clanging together all around, staring up at a dark sky littered with stars. Then she blinked and Wes was there, peering down at her anxiously while Pinako did something _excruciating _to her stumps. Al called her name in the background and everything went dark.

Edward realized later that everything she did that night had been taught to her by the Truth. She thought she'd forgotten everything once she was outside the Gate, where it had felt as if every part of the universe was being poured directly into her brain, but some of the knowledge had stayed with her, and in her moment of desperation, Edward drew it all out. She managed to bind Alphonse's soul to the suit of armor in Hoenheim's study through a seal drawn with Edward's own blood that acted as an anchor between the armor and Al's soul.

If anything were to happen to the seal... well, Alphonse would die for real, and nothing Edward did would bring her back.

It isn't often that Edward thinks back to that night, but when she does, she's disturbed. The need to save Alphonse had been more primal than anything Edward had ever felt before or has felt since then. It hit her with a desperation more heart-wrenching than even wanting to bring her mom back. She's always loved Alphonse, but she didn't realize just how much until she was willing to risk it all just to save her life.

Alphonse doesn't remember anything about that night aside from waking up to find Edward lying on the floor with one arm and one leg missing, taken in Equivalent Exchange for the transmutations she'd had to perform that night. Edward is grateful for that, though she wonders if Al saw the Truth like she did. Obviously not, since Al can't transmute without circles like Edward can.

It wasn't long after their failed attempt at human transmutation that Colonel Roy Mustang came to Resembool – he was Lieutenant Colonel then, accompanied by Second-Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Edward wasn't expecting the military man to actually grab her by the shirt, lift her from her wheelchair, and demand to know what she had done, staring down at her with eyes as black as the beast she and Al had created and nearly as terrifying, though Al pacified any anger the man might have felt before Edward broke and did something stupid like cry.

Surprisingly enough, it was Mustang that gave Edward hope, gave her a reason to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could get Al's body back and return her to the bubbly child she'd once been, as well as get back her own arm and leg. She'd been reading about the Philosopher's Stone before, the only thing in the world that could perfectly enhance alchemic reactions and get their bodies back, but the military offered a means to reach that goal, authorization for research and the money to do so. Edward demanded that Pinako and Wes make her an automail arm and leg and that was the end of it.

She joined the military exactly one year after that.

Edward doesn't regret the path she's chosen, can't even fathom the idea. Doing so would mean turning her back on alchemy and on her sister, and that's something she refuses to do, no matter how hard things become. She owes it to Al to make things okay again, right all the wrongs they've committed against the world and each other, and even if it kills her, Edward is determined to get Al's original body back.

"Sister?" Edward jolts in her seat, broken from her reverie when a hand squeezes her shoulder. Alphonse is staring down at her, red eyes glowing as bright as ever as they connect with Edward's own golden ones. "Are you okay?"

They're on a train bound to Central. After the whole Liore incident where they'd failed to find a Philosopher's Stone, Mustang told Edward to take an extended trip and stay out of everyone's hair down in the East for a while. Edward had been all too happy to oblige – anything to get away from that dumb bastard – and while she isn't complaining at the idea of kicking her feet up and relaxing for a week or two, why did they have to go to Central, which is the complete opposite of a proper vacation site?

This is probably just some elaborate plan Mustang had come up with to get Edward down to Central where something big is going down. It's happened before. Edward has to admit – the guy is crafty.

"I'm fine." Edward replies, stretching lethargically as she glances out the window, noticing that the buildings that were once few and far between are becoming more common. They should be reaching Central soon. "Just thinking."

"You looked sad." Alphonse says, sitting back in her seat across from Edward and settling her hand in her lap once more. "Were you thinking about when we tried to bring Mom back?"

Edward smiles ruefully. "Nothing gets past you, little sister."

"It's not that hard. You're like an open book."

"Yeah? Well, I'm not the only one."

They're both in tune with the other's emotions after all this time. There are hardly any secrets between them, if any at all. Edward would assume it's only a likely outcome after spending the past five years in one another's constant company, but it's actually always been like this, even when they were small. Nowadays, they just can't ignore each other as they did when they were bratty kids. She's not sure about Alphonse, but for Edward, it's physically impossible.

"Are you disappointed?" Alphonse says, and Edward frowns, not understanding. "About the Stone being a fake, I mean."

Edward lets out a noise akin to a growl, and a man in the seat across the way from them looks at her cautiously. "Disappointed? More like pissed. That Cornello guy was nothing but some hack preying on the insecurities of innocent people."

"Maybe he did some good. Rosé was pretty happy up until we showed up."

"Rosé." Edward says, taken by a memory of telling the Liore citizen to stand on her own two feet and to keep moving forward. That poor girl had been so misguided it was almost painful. Cornello had promised to bring her fiancé back to life if she had faith in God, and while she'd devoted her entire life to Letoism, nothing would ever come of it. "I wonder what happened after we left."

"Well, you did kind of tell her to take care of her own problems before we left. Do you really need to wonder?"

"Hey, I was just trying to – "

Alphonse giggles, effectively cutting off anything her sister might have said. "I'm only teasing, Ed. Sometimes the only person you can trust in this world is yourself, and if even you can't take care of yourself, who can or will? Rosé will be fine. You don't have to worry about her."

"I wasn't worried." Edward says dryly, and while it's not physically present, she can almost see Alphonse's smirk. "She was nice, but naïve. Honestly, I just hope she'll start making decisions for herself instead of following after someone who's all talk and no action."

"Maybe you should be her role model, sister."

"Al, she was a few years older than me. And I'm not fit to be anybody's role model."

Alphonse tips her head. "But you're mine."

Edward has nothing to say to that, but the words have an effect on her that Alphonse probably hadn't anticipated. Their mom always told Edward she needed to set an example for her younger sister, because Al looked up to her and only wanted to do what Edward did.

The young alchemist had failed miserably at that. Her younger sister had followed her example and now look at her – fourteen years old and trapped in a body that can't feel. She hasn't had her first kiss and can't experience the "joys" of being a woman, which Edward supposes is the only plus side of this entire predicament. Puberty pretty much sucked major ass, and at this point, Edward has nothing to show for it. She's short and flat, but say so and she'll break your nose.

Regardless, Alphonse trusted her back then and still trusts her now despite everything that's happened, and while Edward doesn't understand, she won't question it either. Alphonse's undying loyalty to her is the only thing Edward can expect to always be there at the end of the day.

"Ed?" Alphonse says quietly, and Edward forces a smile, reaching up to grasp at her right shoulder.

"My stumps have been bothering me lately." Alphonse shifts in her seat, eyeing Edward's shoulder before letting her eyes wander down to Edward's left knee. She doesn't say a word. "Maybe we should pay Wes a visit, just to make sure nothing's up."

"Yeah. Maybe."

The sisters remain silent until the train pulls into the station in South Central.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: _If you want me to write out a specific scene or something, you should totally tell me, 'cause I'll happily do it. I know there are certain scenes I cannot wait to do with Ed and Al as girls ;)

* * *

Alphonse is shifting nervously at his side.

"Al?" Wes murmurs, for once having to look up to see the young girl's… face? Can he still call it that? "Are you okay?"

"Sister… " She says, glowing eyes fixated firmly on the darkened windows of their home, waiting for a change. "She's been in there a while. Maybe I should – "

"Edward is fine." Grandma insists from Alphonse's other side, patting Den's head, who at this point has started to growl, sensing the tension in the air. "She'll be finished in a minute."

Wes doesn't think this is a good idea. Really, what will it prove? But there's no stopping Edward when she has her mind set to something, and Wes is one of the few to know that firsthand.

He recalls feeling anxious earlier that morning when he noticed the red blob walking up the hill toward his house, and he'd watched from his bedroom on the second floor as Den and Alphonse ran to greet Edward before she even reached the yard. He wasn't surprised when the blonde reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled out a silver pocket watch, showing it off to her excited younger sister with an exhausted smile on her face.

He closed the curtains.

Some part of Wes wishes Edward hadn't passed her exam, though he'd known she would before she even left, ever since she first mentioned it when she requested the automail Wes and his grandma made for her about a year ago. He'll never tell her so, but it scares him that Ed is part of the military now. When she left for the examination, all Wes could think about as he watched her walk away was how his parents had left on the same route when he was a child, and that was the last he ever saw of them.

It's a real possibility that something horrible will happen to Ed and Al while they're gone. Wes knows this, but it's not his place to tell either of them not to go. They've been through so much in the past couple of years. On top of losing both parents, Ed lost her arm and leg and Al lost her entire body.

Wes was there when Ed went into surgery to get her automail attached, and while his outward appearance had been as professional as he could make it, he was a mess on the inside. Edward grit her teeth throughout the entire process and didn't cry once, breathing through the pain even as the nerves were all connected, because, unlike her sister, at least she could feel it.

Al stayed with them while Ed was gone, and Wes had often listened to her talk to herself at night because her new body wouldn't allow her to fall asleep anymore. She would sit at the table while Wes, his grandma, and Den ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner, engaging in conversation without letting if the fact that she couldn't eat was bothering her, though Wes knew it did.

Edward and Alphonse are the sisters he never had. Trisha was like an aunt to him, and despite the fact that Hoenheim never played with them when they were kids or even acknowledged their presence half the time, Wes is sad he left, if only because he can see what it did to Edward. All Wes wants is for them to be happy again. He wants them to get their bodies back, and so long as they promise to do just that and to come back home every once in a while, he's going to be supportive of their decisions, no matter how dangerous the journey or how far away it takes them.

But he doesn't have to like it.

A light flickers in an upstairs bedroom that Wes knows used to belong to Trisha and Hoenheim, and Al makes a small noise of distress that has Den growling again. By the time Edward appears in the doorway of the house, the entire second story is ablaze, and her golden eyes are hooded as she closes the door and hops down the steps, walking across the grass toward them.

Wes steps aside as she gets closer, allowing her to take up position between him and Alphonse, trying to read her expression but giving up once her bangs obscure most of her face from view. It's weird, watching as the place that's been like a second home to him goes up in flames while they all look on. Wes remembers birthday parties and Christmas dinners, opening presents and watching Ed and Al fight over chalk used for drawing transmutation circles, one trying to outdo the other in making the best gift for their mom.

Ed and Al are silent beside him as they watch their house burn, but Wes has to bite his lip, clench his fists. Ed shifts beside him, and Wes sees the glint of her state-certified pocket watch from the corner of his eye. "Well, there's no going back now, sister." She says quietly with a toss of her head. She sounds as composed as she's been since the day Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye visited a year ago. He wonders if things will ever go back to the way they used to be.

He barely notices when Ed turns to look at him, too distracted by the exploding glass in the upstairs windows, giving out under the heat and pressure of the blaze Edward set. He thinks about his parents, wonders if they saw things like this while healing the wounded in Ishval. "Wes." He jumps, turns, and finds that Ed is watching him, smiling slightly while the reflection from the fire rages in her eyes. "What are you crying for?"

Wes raises a hand to his face and finds that, yes, his cheeks are wet, but he's hardly fazed. "Our past is going up in flames, Ed. Why aren't you?"

Edward frowns as if this is a serious question and her answer needs to be carefully thought out. Wes rubs at his eyes, the heat from the blaze finally starting to reach them, and it's then that his grandmother suggests that they leave. Edward pockets her watch once more and turns to face Wes fully, and he pauses as Al, his grandma, and Den start to walk away. Ed stares at him for a moment before grinning. "The way I see it, there's only the future to look forward to."


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: _I'm gonna go back after this and describe the whole Nina situation in detail, but since this chapter was finished first, I figured I'd post it now.

* * *

How much can two young girls really take?

Riza finds herself wondering that often as she stands at her permanent station at Roy's right hand, looking on silently as Edward and Alphonse Elric travel from place to place, always moving, always on a mission. They're fourteen and fifteen going on thirty, in her opinion.

Granted, when she was their age, she stayed home to watch over her father instead of being with her friends, so committed to finishing his research on flame alchemy before his sickness took over that sometimes he would forgo eating and sleeping. Riza had to grow up at too young an age just as these girls in front of her have, and even if the other soldiers believe that they're perfectly fine, she knows that at some point, the illusion is going to be broken.

The day came when the girls met the Sewing-Life Alchemist, a man called Shou Tucker who was famous for his work in the world of bio-alchemy. Roy took the two of them to meet him as a means to repay them for the work they did in Liore – as well as pacify Edward's rage for him having sent her to Central and then calling her back to the East just because some paperwork wasn't filled out correctly. Edward demanded to know why they all came with them to Central, to which Roy replied, "I've been promoted to Central Command. We'll be moving everything out there anyway, so we might as well accompany you. Plus, it's my job to watch you both and make sure you don't cause another mess. I can't have you sullying my reputation."

Or so he told her, though Riza knows it's because the notorious State Alchemist killer has been sighted in Central again. He killed Brigadier General Basque Grand the night before they arrived. Roy had them accompany the Fullmetal Alchemist and her younger sister so they could better protect them if something should happen.

Edward and Alphonse spent a few days at Shou Tucker's estate, studying bio-alchemy in his extensive library or playing with his young daughter Nina and her dog Alexander. Alphonse would return to the Command Center every night raving about what they would do with Nina the next day, and while Edward insisted they weren't going there to play, but to study, she always seemed a little excited herself.

Riza was glad the girls were getting the chance to settle down for a bit, had something to take their minds off the military and the Philosopher's Stone and just be kids for a moment, but it didn't last long. Not that the Lieutenant had expected anything less.

They were called down to the Tucker Estate at nearly nine-thirty on a Tuesday night, almost a week after they arrived. They were informed that Mr. Tucker had taken Nina and Alexander and transmuted them into a chimera with the intention of showing it to the higher ups on the day of his examination to remain a State Alchemist. It was reported that the Fullmetal Alchemist was on the scene and had been the one to discover Tucker's creation, as well as the fact that he'd used his wife to make the first talking chimera that had earned him his state-certification two years prior.

The sisters were outside when they arrived, Alphonse speaking with two soldiers while Edward stood not too far away, peeling off her gloves that were covered with drying blood. Riza followed after Roy as they walked into the home and past Edward and Alphonse, though she took note of how the fingers on Edward's left hand were swollen, and her eyes were blank and emotionless.

It was truly horrific. Blood was spattered all across one wall and all over the floor, and from the looks of Shou Tucker's face, he hadn't been able to escape Edward's fury. The poor chimera he'd created was obviously in great physical pain but kept calling for her father when Tucker was hauled away for interrogation. But once he was gone, it was a series of "can we play now's" and "big sister Ed's". It was like she didn't even know what her father had done to her, and if she did, she didn't care, as if her love for the man was truly that unconditional. The skin on Riza's back seemed to tingle as she looked on while the chimera was led from Tucker's study.

She understood that perfectly well.

Riza sighs, walking just a few paces behind Roy as they begin to leave Central Command. They had to report back to the Führer after Tucker was apprehended, and Edward and Alphonse had stuck around long enough to hear that Tucker was going to be put on trial for his crimes before disappearing without a word. She has no idea where they went.

This will just mean more paperwork, more issues that Riza needs to pay attention to on top of the State Alchemist murders. She won't be able to let Roy out of her sight for even a second, especially considering the heavy downpour she can hear pounding on the roof. If it's not one thing, it's another. As is the life of a soldier.

"If ever there was an example of the Devil's work in this world, this case would definitely be it." She says off-handedly as they prepare to step outside. Roy had paused in the doorway, watching the rain fall right in front of his nose, and she can only hazard a guess as to what the man is thinking. These days, there's much to contemplate.

"The Devil, huh?" He replies, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his pants as he finally steps outside. "A State Alchemist must be willing to act, ready to take another's life when ordered to, without question. In some ways, Mr. Tucker's actions and our own may not be that far apart when it comes to interfering with other people's lives."

Riza starts to nod despite the fact that he can't see her but pauses, noticing two figures sitting on the concrete steps below them. Edward is hunched over with her hood pulled up over her head, fingers adorned in a clean set of gloves clutching tightly at the hem of it. Alphonse sits nearby, though a few steps above Ed, staring up at the darkened sky in silent contemplation. Riza is surprised to see them there.

"We choose our own path knowing full well what we're doing." Roy continues. His voice has softened. Any other person might not have noticed, but Riza did. He's seen the girls as well. Roy only confirms her thoughts by pausing on the step Edward is sitting on. "That's just the way it is. Right, Fullmetal?"

Edward's body stiffens, and Riza senses a storm brewing, a storm possibly more dangerous than the one already raging around them. "You will more than likely come across cases like this again in the future. And you may end up having to get your own hands dirty as well." Roy starts to walk, and Riza follows after. "It won't do you any good to shut down like this every time."

It hasn't escaped Riza's notice that almost everyone treats the Elrics like adults sometimes; like men. But if anyone aside from herself did treat the two like the little girls they are, it would definitely be Roy. He's softer with them, though he would never admit that to anyone willingly. While it's true they are both mature for their age – perhaps one more than the other – they're just children. The things they saw tonight will haunt them, stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Roy and Riza both saw the sisters mere days after their failed Human Transmutation. While Riza saw only despair and hopelessness in the beginning, it was her superior who looked at Edward and saw the fire dwelling deep within her. It may come across as indifference, or even cruelty, but everything Roy does is only a means of making sure that spark within the young alchemist doesn't die out. Sometimes he is harsh, fumbles over himself because he isn't sure how to approach a girl as young and feisty as Edward Elric, but he means well.

Whether the girls know it or not, Roy is keeping them strong. And if they intend to go through with their plan to get their original bodies back, they'll need every ounce of strength and support they can find.

"We may be called dogs of the military," Riza pauses of her own volition, though Roy does the same soon after, "we may even be cursed as devils… it doesn't matter. Al and I are still going to get our bodies back."

Riza glances over her shoulder to find that Ed's grip on her hood has tightened considerably. Now below the young girl, Riza can see her face, and what she does see looks frightened and confused, yet determined at the same time. Edward Elric has a pretty face, though it's often marred by a frown, and it's in her moments of vulnerability that Riza can see the fifteen-year-old girl that hides behind the exterior of a hardened State Alchemist. Her cheeks seem more round, the annoyed wrinkles in her forehead missing, and Riza feels a tug at her heart.

"We know the truth. We know we're not devils. We _know_ we're not gods." The girl continues, finally releasing her hold on her hood to push herself to her feet, swaying slightly. Al lifts a hand, ready and waiting to catch her sister should she fall. "We're human." Ed chokes as if holding back a sob, and it's then that Riza notices movement in front of her and turns back around to continue on down the steps, focusing on the back of Roy's head as Edward's parting words ring in her ears. His fists are clenched. He doesn't want to walk away from this, but knows that he has to. "We're only human! And we can't do anything to save one innocent little girl."

If Riza wondered when the girls would reach their breaking point before, she definitely knows now, and while she knew the day had been coming, she's not any less saddened by it. "You didn't have to be so harsh." Riza says as they approach the car. They're off to the soldier lodge for now. She would offer the girls a ride but doubts they'll be returning to their room any time soon. "Neither Edward nor Alphonse will forget this."

"Honestly, I was wondering when this day would come." Roy replies. He refuses to look at her. "They've enjoyed far too many successes. It won't do them any good to believe they can resolve every issue they come across. We can't coddle them, Lieutenant. Fullmetal wouldn't appreciate it."

"Even so, who are we to do this to them?"

"If we don't, someone else will." They're in the car now, Riza starting the ignition while Roy looks out the window, back toward the Command Center. Alphonse has moved to the bottom step, staring up at her sister who is slowly following after, the heel of one palm pressed against one of her eyes. Her shoulders are trembling. "At least we're gentler about shattering the illusion."


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: _Still working on the Nina chapter. It's really hard to write, for obvious reasons. It's nearly finished, but have this for the time being.

* * *

Edward is wrestling outdoors with Wes when she hears the scream.

She has the boy pinned, straddling his hips as they each grip at one another's arms, scrabbling around to gain some leeway with one another, though Edward freezes when she hears it, her head snapping up so fast the bones in her neck pop in protest. "What was that?" Wes pants, tipping his head back in the grass to stare down the hill, toward the river, as the blonde above him scrambles to her feet, mumbling curses.

She watches the valley below as Wes rights himself, straining to hear every little sound, watching for a disturbance. That cry sounded familiar, though Edward doesn't want to admit that she'd recognized it, even to herself.

Alphonse had skipped down to the river around eleven with Den, promising to be back before lunch. Edward had let her go alone even though her mom had specifically told her to watch out for Al while they were over at the Rockbell's. She regrets it now, can't imagine what she'll do if her sister is hurt…

There's a brief flash of gold and then suddenly Alphonse's figure is bolting up the path down in the valley, skinny limbs a blur as she uses every ounce of her energy to race up the hill toward them. Even from the porch Edward can see the red staining her sister's white sundress.

"Al!" She shouts, panicked, and Wes is right behind her as Edward bolts down the dirt path before them, the only thought in her head being to get to her sister before she gets hurt even more.

"Sister!" It becomes clear that Alphonse is terrified, tears streaming down her face profusely and creating tracks amongst the dirt and grime on her cheeks. They meet halfway, Edward closing her arms around her sister like a sprung trap as Al crashes into her, sending her back a few steps and into Wes, who steadies them both, panting from the run and his fight with Edward both.

Edward clutches her sister close for a few seconds before pulling away, though Al is refusing to let go. "Are you okay?" She demands when she finally manages to put some space between them, grabbing her younger sister's face for inspection, though all the blood seems to be concentrated around her hands and stomach area. "What happened – Where's – "

"It's not mine." Alphonse says, and a fierce shudder overcomes her when she looks down to her fingers, caked with drying blood. "It's – It's Den, he's hurt!"

"Den?" Wes says, staring off in the direction Alphonse came from. "Where is he?"

"On the river." Al is still shaking, and Edward wants to take her sister home, shove her in the bath and scrub away all the blood and dirt. The dress is beyond help, but Al can be fixed. "By the – the big tree we always – Wes, wait!"

"Go find Granny." Edward says as Wes takes off once more, his hair blowing behind him in the wind. He's started letting it grow out, recently. It's nearly as long as Edward's, which rests just above her shoulders. "She'll know what to do." Al is staring after Wes, pupils blown wide, almost beyond hearing. "Go, Alphonse, go!"

She gives her sister an encouraging shove before following after Wes, huffing in disbelief when she sees how far her friend as already gotten. She knows why he's so worried. Den's only a puppy, a puppy that can't afford to lose the amount of blood that's covering Al, and Edward fears that by the time she and Wes make it to the river, and Al finds Granny, it'll be too late.

Edward veers off the path and into the grass when Wes does, and although she's exhausted, she forces her legs to move faster when she sees him drop to his knees near the tree Al had mentioned, the one they always play by. "Is he okay?" She gasps as she runs up behind Wes, though he doesn't need to respond.

Den's unconscious – Edward thinks so at least – though he whimpers softly every now and then as Wes' trembling hands hover over him. His left front leg is caught in what appears to be a hunter's trap, embedded deep in the fur and skin near the joint. Blood is staining the grass around Den, as well as a spot closer to the tree, and Edward wonders if Al tried to carry him home before deciding to look for help instead. It explains the blood on her dress and hands.

"This is bad." Wes says, and Edward can hear the slight waver in his voice. He would know better than she, what with his parents being doctors and all. "He's lost a lot of blood. And the trap… it's in deep."

"Your mom and dad will fix him." Edward says, squatting down beside Wes and reaching over to take his hand, pressing it down against Den's side gently, stroking for him. Den may be in pain, but he won't break, and even if he can't see Wes, the pup should at least know his master is there. "Then he'll be as good as new, running around with us again. You'll see."

Wes' parents make it down to the riverbank nearly ten minutes after they did, his mom ushering her son and Edward toward the house while his dad and three other men stayed behind with Den. Edward didn't put up a fuss only because she was anxious to get back to Al, who is sitting at the table with Granny Pinako when they return, wearing a shirt that's three sizes too big for her and nothing else, the hem falling just above her knees.

"It could've been me." She says, eyes bloodshot as Edward pulls up a chair next to her. "If Den hadn't run ahead I would've stepped in it first."

"Exactly. It could've _easily_ been Al, Wes, Ed, or any one of the children in town. All the kids play down by the river." Sara huffs, running a hand through Wes' hair. He's starting to look a little green. "Who in their right mind would put a fox trap down there and not tell anyone?"

"Whoever it was, they'll certainly be hearing from me." Granny says, taking a drag from her pipe and watching from the corner of her eye as Alphonse leans over to rest her head against Edward's shoulder with a long sigh. "I just hope Urey and the boys find a way to get Den out of there quickly."

"Is he gonna lose it?" Wes says, and Al sniffs quietly, clutching at the end of the shirt she's wearing. "His leg, I mean."

"We'll do our best to save it, baby." Sara says reassuringly, and Edward aches for her own mom, who's sitting quietly at home, unaware of what's happened. "Your father and I will try our hardest."

"Is he gonna die?" Al whispers quietly, and Edward winces, shooting Wes an apologetic glance.

Her friend has wanted a pet all his life, and when he finally got Den on his eighth birthday, he'd been ecstatic. Edward and Alphonse were too, because anything that belonged to Wes was also theirs for all intents and purposes. Edward had wondered if Den would survive when she first saw his condition, though she'd known better than to say anything, for Wes' sake. Al was normally more tactful than this. It was usually up to Edward to say the wrong thing and piss someone off. Granted, her sister is probably in shock after seeing all that blood.

"He's not gonna die!" Wes snaps, and Al flinches. "I mean – He can't."

"If worse comes to worse, I'll have to make an automail leg for him." Granny says, and Edward and Wes share a look. They've seen patients coming to and from the Rockbell household with automail limbs before. Edward's fascinated that Wes' grandma can actually make a person new limbs, though she never wants to have any of her own.

"Can I help?" Wes says quietly. "I know you always say I can start working on automail when I'm older, but… if Den's gonna lose his leg, I want him to have a new one that I helped make. Please, Grandma?"

Granny looks thoughtful as she observes Wes' hopeful expression, her gaze shifting to Sara after a long moment. "I don't see why not. Why don't you ask your mom though, kid."

Edward knows the battle is won even before Wes turns to look his mom in the eye. Sara could never deny her son anything.

By the time Edward and Alphonse's mom comes to get them, Wes' dad has come home with Den in tow.

Edward listens from her spot on the couch, Alphonse asleep with her head in her sister's lap, as Sara recounts to her mom all that happened during the afternoon. "This is all Den's, Trisha." The woman says as she hands over Al's stained sundress. "Al was with him when it happened. Pinako tried to wash it out, but… "

"It's alright. Al was outgrowing this one anyway. It used to be Ed's. I still can't believe someone set up a trap so close to where the children play. Did Urey ever find out who it was?"

"No, he hasn't had the chance. We've been tending to Den all day. The trap was big enough that it clamped down around the socket. We had to amputate it."

"Oh, dear. How's Wes taking it?"

"Better than I thought he would. Honestly, I think it's the automail he and Pinako are making that's keeping him so calm. Just the thought that he'll be able to give Den back some of what he lost is enough to keep him from being too sad."

Edward sighs inaudibly, twirling a lock of Al's hair around her forefinger. It's been a long day, and she's exhausted. All she can really do is be grateful that Den didn't die and that the blood staining Al's sundress hadn't actually been her own.

As they walk home later that night, Edward trails a few paces behind her mom, kicking listlessly at loose gravel on the path. She's been thinking about it all day, how Al said it could have easily been her who had stepped into the trap and gotten hurt. Everything could've been so much worse if Den hadn't run ahead of Al, just a puppy playing in an area that should've been safe.

Edward wants to know who set up that dumb trap so she can kick them in the shin, if not for almost hurting Al, then for actually hurting Den. He lost more today than anyone, something he can't get back. Not even with alchemy.

She looks up to find Alphonse staring down at her over their mom's shoulder, still wearing that oversized t-shirt. She grips at the back of their mom's dress when their gazes meet, and Al blinks, suddenly on the verge of tears again.

The young girl knows that her sister will find her way into their mom's bed after they're tucked in, or maybe she'll go to Edward's room. Either way, Al won't be sleeping alone, and Edward doesn't really want her to.

She understands how Wes must have felt when Granny mentioned that Den might need an automail limb. If Al had needed a new leg, Edward would've wanted to help create it, and she wouldn't have taken no for an answer.

"Hey, Mom?"

"What is it, Ed?"

"Granny said Den will want to play tomorrow."

Her mom is silent for a moment, though Edward isn't concerned. Sometimes she doesn't need to say much to be understood. "You and Al can stay home from school if you want to go spend the day with Granny. Den will want the company."

"Wes, too?" Al says quietly, bottom lip trembling as she reaches down. Edward jerks forward slightly, picking up her pace so she's close enough to grab onto Al's extended hand. She knows her sister has found some way to blame herself for what happened. Edward will spend the next week or so trying to convince Alphonse that this has _nothing_ to do with her.

Their mom nods. "Yes, honey. Wes, too."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: _I'll just leave this here.

* * *

Edward sighs, closing the door to the parlor when she finds that no one's inside. This is the fifth room she's checked, and while the Tucker Estate is huge, it really shouldn't be this damn hard to find a four-year-old!

She passes by the window on her way to the guest bedroom, the only room she hasn't checked yet that Nina might be occupying, and she sees Alphonse sitting outside with Alexander in the yard, petting the dog's head as it rests in her lap. The young alchemist scowls. That polar bear-looking thing has bowled her over or stolen her watch nearly every day they've spent here, and it's been about a week. He never does any of that to Al.

When she gets to the guest bedroom, Nina is thankfully there, and Edward grins, opening the door fully. "Hey, Nina, Ali and Alexander and I were wondering – "

She trails off when Nina doesn't move from her spot on the floor, lying on her stomach and focusing intently at the picture she's drawing. That's odd. Normally Nina freaks whenever Edward and Alphonse stop by. They're supposed to be studying bio alchemy in Shou Tucker's extensive library, but with Nina around, they never actually get much done.

"What are you doing, Nina?" She asks, taking a seat on the floor next to the young girl, curious.

"Drawing a picture for Momma."

Edward inwardly winces, though she smiles encouragingly when Nina turns her head to beam up at her. Nina aside, no one discusses Mrs. Tucker around here. Shou told her his wife had gotten fed up with living a life of poverty and deserted him and Nina the day before he became a State Alchemist. She and Al spent the whole day with Nina after they'd been told, though the long day of fun had been somewhat sullied for Edward, who kept thinking about Hoenheim and the look in his eyes when he left them, just as Nina's mom left her.

She can relate to Nina, though Edward can't really tell her in a way she'll understand at such an age. Maybe when she's older, because Edward plans on coming back someday once she and Al have their bodies back, if not to thank Shou for giving them access to his research, then just to see Nina again.

"I'm sure she'll love it." Edward says, and Nina hums happily, feet kicking in the air behind her as she goes back to her drawing.

"Big sister?" Nina says eventually. Shou had insisted the name was too informal at first, though Edward doesn't mind. She's used to it, after all.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Momma will ever come back?"

Edward isn't sure how to respond. When Al was younger, she would ask the same thing, if Hoenheim was ever going to come back for them, to which Edward would smack her and tell her to shut up, to never mention his name again. She obviously can't do that now, doesn't want to, but what can she say? She knows so little about the situation, and she doesn't want to hurt Nina.

"I don't know, Nina." She says eventually. "But even if she doesn't, she still loves you, you know. Just like your daddy. You mean more to them than anything."

That seems to pacify Nina, though she doesn't look up from her drawing. Edward watches her strokes for quite some time, smiling at the stick figures and straw hair. They remind her of a time when things were simpler, when she and Al would sit at the kitchen table and color while their mom made dinner. "My mom went away, too. Did you know that?"

Nina finally looks up, and the lighting in the room makes her dark blues eyes appear violet. "Really?"

Edward nods. "Ali and I weren't much older than you are now."

"Where did she go?"

"She went to live with her parents in Heaven." Edward doesn't really believe in such a thing, but if there is one, her mom definitely deserves to be there. "But even though she's not here, I know she loves Ali and me, and that makes it okay. We still love her, too."

Nina frowns and drops the crayon she's currently holding, pushing herself up on her knees and tottering over to Edward, throwing her arms around the startled alchemist's neck. "Don't be sad, Big Sister."

Edward chuckles, wrapping her arms around Nina's back and squeezing, twisting her body from side to side so she can rock Nina, who giggles in response. "I'm not sad. I've got you and Ali and Alexander to keep me happy."

"And Daddy!"

"Yeah, your daddy, too."

"Oh, you know what!" Nina exclaims, squirming free of Edward's hold and making a grab for her small stack of construction paper. "You should write your momma a letter like I'm doing. Maybe she'll come back from Heaven if she knows how much you miss her!"

"Maybe." Edward replies, watching sullenly as Nina sets a pink piece of paper in front of her, along with blue, purple, and red crayons. She picks one up when Nina continues to watch her earnestly, and she leans forward to begin writing on the paper.

"What are you gonna say?" Nina demands, practically bouncing on her knees.

"I love you and miss you." Edward says when she's done, moving her arm so Nina can see. "Come home soon."

Edward thinks the "I'm sorry" goes without saying.

Later, when Nina proudly hands Shou both letters, Edward suggests that Shou and Nina spend some time together the next day when she notices the forlorn expression on his face.

Shou agrees.

* * *

"You son of a _bitch!_"

Tucker looks up from his watch in time for Edward's fist to connect with his face, and he slams into the wall behind him, already spattered with blood.

Alphonse is yelling for her to stop, but all Edward can hear is the chimera in the background, and she wraps her metal hand around Tucker's throat, gripping with all she has. "You think alchemy is meant for this?" She spits, trembling violently and feeling on the verge of throwing up after everything Tucker's said thus far. "To fuck with people's lives and walk around with a God complex? State Alchemists are supposed to _help _people!"

"Like the way you helped your mother? Or your sister?" Tucker says, and Edward tightens her grip. Anything to get him to stop talking. "You turned your sister into a walking mass of metal that can't feel anything. Is that so different to what I've done? It's all in the name of science, right? Nina – Nina is perfect now. She's going to help me, Edward, can't you see, it's what she wanted – "

Edward releases her hold on her neck only to punch him again, sending him to the floor in a mess of blood and broken teeth. "She _loved _you!" She bellows, blood that isn't her own streaming down her face like tears. "She wanted you to be there for her, to play with her, and instead you went and – and – did _this _to her!"

"Can we… play now? Can we? " Nina is talking to Alphonse, who has hung back thus far, refusing to believe what Edward has pieced together, that the chimera Tucker created two years ago had been his wife, and now he's fused Nina and Alexander together. This isn't what she'd wanted. She suggested to Tucker that he spend the day with his daughter, but never had she imagined…

"Nina knows." Tucker whispers, and the look in his eyes is shady, unstable. "Nina knows Daddy loves her."

"You took her mother from her." Edward seethes. She sees visions of childhood, when Hoenheim would make some bullshit excuse and leave the room whenever her mom asked him to hold Alphonse. "She trusted you." All those nights he'd spent alone in his study, just like Nina always said her father did. "She believed in you." The look in his eyes right before he walked out the door…

"We're the same, Ed." Tucker says again, and Edward snaps.

She kicks him in the stomach first before bending over to grab him by the collar of his shirt, heaving him up so they're face-to-face. "I'm _nothing_ like you." She hisses and punches him, again and again, and while he's obviously in pain, she feels nothing. Aside from her automail, which can't feel anyway, Edward's entire being feels completely numb, the only sensation being the rage bubbling just beneath her skin.

And she keeps going. She hits him relentlessly, but nothing she can do to him will ever help him atone for what he's done. Why is the world filled with terrible fathers? Why couldn't Nina have had the life Edward and Alphonse didn't get the chance to have?

The answer is simple. It's because of Tucker. And he's going to pay.

But something snags Edward's coat before she can advance on Tucker again, and she freezes when she hears a low growl, though it doesn't sound menacing. She turns slowly to find Nina staring at her, eyes blank and head tilted as she regards Edward. Alphonse is just behind her, standing stalk still, armor slightly spattered with Tucker's blood.

"Big Sister… hurt… Daddy?" Nina says, and Edward chokes, observing her body. She's Alexander, with a large, stocky body and tail, but she's also Nina, with long auburn hair and dark blue eyes, though they look soulless now. She's a perfect hybrid. Exactly what her father wanted.

Edward falls to her knees before Nina, bloodied hands covering her mouth as she stares at the chimera before her with wide eyes. "Nina… "

"That person… Edward."

Just yesterday they'd been writing cards to their moms on the floor, cards that Edward found crumped and burned in the parlor when she and Al arrived earlier. She'd been with a human Nina literally yesterday… and now she was gone. And Edward can't bring her back, not even with alchemy, which had created the chimera in the first place. Equivalent Exchange… Nina had lost everything. What was she getting in return?

"That person… Edward."

Edward throws her arms around Nina just as the little girl did to her yesterday, buries her hands in the downy hair and fur – which is which now? – and sobs. As she convulses, Tucker is mumbling sweet nothings to his pocket watch, and Al is on the phone, calling the military, who gave this man the clearance to do things like this in the first place. Edward isn't sure who to be angry with. The military? Tucker? Herself, for suggesting that Nina and her father spend some time together?

She'd wanted Nina to have the relationship with her dad that neither Edward nor Alphonse had with Hoenheim. She loves the girl like a second sister, and to lose her like this because of alchemy… it tears Edward apart inside. She'd wanted the best for her, but the best wasn't good enough.

So, Edward cries. She buries her face in Nina's neck fur as she convulses, choking on emotions and air and whatever else in inflicting her. "Like Hell you're remaining a State Alchemist." She chokes. "Like Hell!"

"Big Sister… don't cry."


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: _I just realized I haven't written a chapter from Al's POV yet, and I figured this would be a good place to start.

* * *

Just because she doesn't have the regular tools needed to do so anymore doesn't mean she can't hear or see.

And she can hear the whispers, see the sympathetic, uncomfortable looks.

Alphonse Elric isn't stupid.

It's easier to ignore when Ed is around. With her sister, Alphonse feels alive. She doesn't feel any different than when she was a little girl, back when she had real fingers and toes, back when she had skin that could feel. Ed doesn't treat her any differently. They still quarrel, they still laugh, and they still reminisce about the old days. Ed doesn't trip over her words when she speaks, and for that, Alphonse is grateful. If she wasn't able to feel a sense of normalcy at least _part_ of the time, Alphonse doubts she could stay sane in her unfeeling body.

When people look at her – and if they know the truth about what lies beneath the armor but not the means of how it all happened – they see an abnormality; something less than human. Alphonse knows she's an eyesore, a giant, clunking mass of metal that follows after a young girl nearly two times smaller, but it's easier to forget when people don't stare.

They ask how she can feel, if she has no nervous or integumentary system, no skin receptors to feel pain or warmth. And even if Edward doesn't like to hear her say it, those people are right. She can't feel and hasn't been able to since that day nearly five years ago when she and her sister tried to bring their mom back. She can't feel the rain hit her face or the warmth of the sun against her back. But those are just physical things. It's the emotional aspects of being a human – accompanied by the warm presence of her sister – that remind Alphonse that she's alive.

She can feel joy and happiness, as well as sorrow and regret. While she doesn't blush in a moment of embarrassment, she can feel it regardless, and that is something precious. Without eyes, there's no possibility to make tears that can be seen, but Alphonse experiences tears that can actually be felt.

She can feel panic, is feeling it now as she hears the many pieces of her broken armor hitting the pavement below her. She can't feel herself shaking but knows that she is, peering through the torrent of rain all around her as the scarred man looms over her older sister, who at this point has stopped moving, lying amongst the pieces of what was once her automail arm silently.

Alphonse's soul is in a frenzy, manic with a desperation not often felt that made an appearance when Edward fell to the ground and refused to get up. The scarred man had attacked them for no reason, and despite their skills in alchemy, the sisters hadn't been able to protect themselves; or protect each other.

"If I let you have me, then you have to _promise_ not to hurt my sister." Ed had said from where she lay sprawled in the street, Alphonse stuck in an alley with no means of moving, shouting words of desperation that seemed to be falling on deaf ears. Edward couldn't do this. She just couldn't. She couldn't give up and die and leave Alphonse alone. She couldn't bear it, not again. So much had already been taken from her. She couldn't lose her sister as well.

"I swear." The man said, and Edward seemed to relax, her shoulders slumping slightly as she lay there on her side, human arm draped over her face and obscuring most of her features from view. She'd looked at peace. "As long as she doesn't interfere, I will not hurt your sister."

Alphonse would interfere, if only she could. Their attacker destroyed most of her armor, so the young girl can't get up regardless of how desperate she feels. "No." Alphonse says as the man starts to lean over, right arm reaching out toward Ed, who is still refusing to budge. "Sister, run. Get up and _run!_"

Wasn't Edward always talking about how they needed each other, how they were all the other had left in the world? Giving up like this… this isn't how it's supposed to be. Alphonse gets it. They're both broken. They're both hurting. But giving up isn't the answer, and Alphonse failed to make her sister see that before it was too late.

She can see it now. In just a few short moments, she's going to be alone. She'll go back to how she felt during those sleepless nights when Edward left for Central for a week to become a State Alchemist. And she can't bear it.

"No… no, you can't. Stop! _Stop it!"_

Gunfire sounds from further down the street, though all Alphonse can see from her position in the alley is the scarred man and her sister. "That's quite enough, Scar." A voice booms – _Mustang _– and Alphonse drops her outstretched arm to the ground, though she's far from relaxed.

Her soul is in shambles. She almost had to watch her only family die right in front of her, and Alphonse can't stop to feel relieved that someone came to save her sister before it was too late. What if the military hadn't come? Edward's blood would be spattered across the pavement, washed into the drains by the flow of the rainwater, and neither of them had tried to stop it. While Alphonse has a plausible excuse, what was Ed's? Why had she thought it was just suddenly _okay _to give in to death after how far they'd come together?

It would have all been for nothing.

Alphonse doesn't know how long she's lost in her own thoughts, her own strange way of seeing taken away because she's so far back in her soul. She can hear explosions and shouting, but can't determine where the sounds are coming from and who or what they belong to.

When her vision slowing starts to return, she's leaning against a brick wall in the alley, and Edward is there, missing one arm and looking positively terrified as she peers up at Al, breathing heavily and eyes beginning to water. Alphonse stares at her for a moment before raising an arm and punching her older sister square in the jaw.

"Why didn't you run when I told you to? What kind of idiot are you?"

"No way." Edward cries when she recovers. "I wasn't going to just run off and leave you behind!"

"Which is _exactly _why you're an idiot!"

She punches her again, feeling more angry than she's been in a long time – maybe ever – and the force of it sends Edward back into the wall with a solid impact, and Alphonse would feel guilty for the sound that echoes through the alley when Edward's head hits the wall if she weren't so pissed. "What do you keep punching me like that for?" Edward demands, cradling her jaw, and the shock and fear on her face is quickly melting into hurt and confusion. But of course, her sister scrambles to catch herself in time. She morphs her expression into one of anger, though her eyes are still vulnerable. She can't hide anything from Alphonse. "If I'd run away, you could've been killed, you know that?"

"And maybe I wouldn't have been!" Alphonse shoots back, uncaring of the soldiers listening in on their conversation from the streets. "Making the decision to die is something only an idiot does."

"Hey, easy on the idiot stuff!" Ed snaps. "I'm still your older sister, got it?"

"I'll say it all I want to!" They haven't yelled at one another like this in years. Maybe Alphonse is wrong. Maybe Edward is more careful around her now than before their mom died. Regardless, Alphonse feels normal in her sister's presence, and just knowing that Ed had been willing to give up and leave her here…

Alphonse grabs the fabric of Ed's black tank top, yanking her forward and up, so she and her sister are face to face. Sort of. "Survival is the only way, Ed." Alphonse says, and Ed only stares. "Live on, learn more about alchemy. You could find a way to get our bodies back and help people… people like Nina, but you can't do that by dying. I won't let you abandon hope and choose a meaningless death – "

Her shattered armor finally gives way, and the arm holding Edward disintegrates into tiny shards of metal, adding to the debris already littering the pavement. "_Oh_, great!" Alphonse snaps, tired of her body and her sister and this entire day. She does have moments, though not often, when she wants to sit down and cry and stop trying to be strong for a change. This is definitely one of those moments. "And now my arm's come off because my sister's a big, fat_ idiot!_"

Edward is staring at her as if seeing her for the first time, her jaw slack and eyes wide, and Al wonders if she's pushed her sister too far when Edward hangs her head in an almost defeated manner. "We're really falling apart, aren't we, Sister?" She breaths, and Alphonse realizes she's not the only one shaken by Ed's brush with death. "We look like we belong in a junkyard."

"But we're still alive." Alphonse says desperately, and it's then that she realizes the rain has stopped. The clouds are beginning to move away, sunlight streaming through, and Ed's damp hair seems to glow. Maybe Alphonse belongs in a junkyard, as broken and worn as she and her body are, though Ed certainly doesn't. Alphonse sees life when she looks at her sister, all the good and bad aspects of it, and the knowledge that she'd almost lost that for good will haunt her forever.

"That we are." Edward says, finally lifting her head to meet Alphonse's gaze. The rain streaming down her face creates the illusion of tears, and though Ed's cried more in the past twenty-four hours than she has in the past five years, Alphonse can't imagine that she will now. "And we're gonna stay that way, no matter what's thrown at us. I'm… sorry, Ali. I didn't mean to – I don't – "

Edward seems to realize her mistake now, can see what it's done to Alphonse and the impact it will leave on her from this day on, though she's interrupted before she can say anything more.

The fight with the scarred man must be over, because Hawkeye is suddenly right there, draping her military jacket over Ed's shoulders, giving the State Alchemist a small smile when Edward stares up at her incredulously. Havoc and Armstrong are right behind her, and while Alphonse can't feel it when Armstrong puts a hand on the back of her armor, she does feel _something_.

They of all people know that she can't feel any physical gestures, so Armstrong doesn't need to touch her like that; but he does anyway. He's trying to comfort her without words, in the only way he knows how, and it doesn't seem to matter that she's trapped in a suit of armor. He's reaching out to the fourteen-year-old girl inside, who'd almost witnessed the murder of her older sister, and while Alphonse is grateful – more grateful than she'll ever be able to say – she's still certain of one thing.

She doesn't know when she became so dependent on her sister, if it started happening before their mom died or after, but there's no fixing it. If Edward dies, she'll take Alphonse along with her, and the young girl knows it now. It terrifies her to have to need someone so strongly, but she loves and trusts her sister, so it's okay.

Ed is dragging the largest scrap of Alphonse's broken arm closer to her as Hawkeye instructs Havoc to gather all the other pieces, touching the metal reverently, as if it were actually Al's skin, and the younger girl's soul buzzes with warmth, smiling in the only way it knows how.

No one loves Alphonse Elric as much or as desperately as her older sister.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: _I made a decision. We've all seen the show before. Probably multiple times in some cases. Mine especially. I'm on my twelfth go? Maybe? Anyway, it's not like I'm telling a story no one's heard of before, right? I feel like I'd have more fun with this if I jumped around a bit, 'cause there are some things I'm simply _dying _to do _soon; _and this way you'll never know what I'll write next!

* * *

She takes a few deep breaths before opening the door.

Mustang is propped up against the pillows in his hospital bed, and the way he's staring blankly at the wall makes Edward's heart tug painfully. He's attentive, however, back straightening as Edward closes the door quietly behind her, feeling as if she's about to run a marathon.

"Fullmetal?" He says when she takes a few steps forward, and the girl smiles because he can't see it.

"There's no fooling you, huh?"

"Your steps have always been your own." He replies as Edward pulls up a chair, and he doesn't wince when the legs create an awful scraping noise against the floor. "I was informed you didn't get your leg back."

"Yep." Edward says, and she thinks the way the she pops the "p" makes her sound childish. She's not as upset about having to keep her automail as everyone seems to think she is. She lost that leg while trying to bring her mom back, and that's a sin that she can't take back. Not ever. Having her arm back is good enough, reminds Edward that she succeeded in returning at least one person's soul to their body. "I don't mind though. Wes would go insane if he didn't have something to constantly tinker with."

Mustang smirks as if Edward just said something incriminating, and the girl clears her throat. "So, how're the eyes, Colonel?"

"As good as they'll ever be." Mustang replies, though he frowns while he says it. "And it's Brigadier General now."

"Fancy. Old Man Grumman give you the promotion as a consolation gift for taking over the country while you're bedridden?"

"I think it was a sort of thank you for all I did while trying to bring down Father, though you may be on to something, Fullmetal."

Edward bites her lip at the fondness with which Mustang says her State Alchemist title, reminding her of the reason she even came here in the first place. God, it really shouldn't be this fucking hard to talk to him! They fight a lot and that will probably never change, sure, but Edward knows they've come a long way since that morning when he and Riza showed up in Resembool.

She'll never say so to anybody, though Al probably knows and Riza is just intuitive like that, but she's come to see Roy Mustang as a sort of father figure… maybe? She doesn't like to think about it much. She's had bad experiences with fathers in the past, and while Hoenheim isn't all that bad – he stayed in Al's hospital room with them for well over a week before disappearing again – she doesn't want to let her guard down too soon.

Mustang was the one who pulled her out of the rut she was stuck in after her failed Human Transmutation. He's been directing her all over the country since she was twelve years old, exposing her to situations that helped shape her into who she is now, and aside from her sister, Wes, and Granny, there's no one she trusts more.

"How's Alphonse?" Mustang says while Edward's building up her nerve. "Is her body holding up?"

"She's frail. _Really_ frail." Edward says honestly, relieved for the distraction. "Her body's malnourished and her muscles have all but deteriorated. The nurses and I have to help her walk around and go to the bathroom and stuff."

"I bet she's bouncing off the walls."

"She really wants to go outside. It's getting hard to get Ali to stay still." Edward sighs in exasperation, though one can hear how fond she is of her sister, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She's been wearing it down a lot lately, hasn't had much time to take care of herself, though it's okay. As soon as she was bandaged up after the fight, she took a permanent residence in Al's hospital room, aiding her young sister with anything and everything.

Alphonse acts like everything is new to her, and she needs to become acclimated with everything by touch now. Edward spent the first day trying to hold back tears while Alphonse ran her fingers over nearly every surface of Edward's body that her clothing didn't cover. Al is like a child now, and it warms Edward's stony heart to see her like that. She's had to be a grownup for way too long. They both have.

"She wants to come see you." Edward adds, wondering if it was the right thing to say when Mustang swallows hard. Security is tight on this floor, and Edward refused to have her sister put on the floor designated for military personnel, wanting as much quiet and normalcy as possible during Ali's recovery period. Fuery told her Mustang wanted to come visit them upstairs a week or so after they arrived, around the time Hoenheim left, though the doctors and nurses wouldn't let him. At that point, Hawkeye had been out of commission thanks to her neck wound, so there was no possibility to sneak around. "She's really worried."

Her silent _I am too _rests heavily in the air between them, and Mustang sighs. "I can't say that I don't want to see her as well. I always imagined her as a miniature version of you, to tell you the truth."

"You're not too far off the mark. She's just… prettier. Softer, I guess. She smiles more."

Now Al looks just like a skeleton, all hard lines and jabbing bone. Her stomach is so small she can't even consume and digest solid foods. She threw up the other day just from trying to eat a grape. Edward doesn't want to tell Mustang this, so she doesn't, and allows him to continue to picture Ali as the adorable little sprite she always was in their childhood, Edward's perfect foil, her better half.

"Where's Hawkeye?" Edward asks, though she knows perfectly well that Riza left the room with Havoc and Breda not too long ago. She'd been staking out Mustang's room all morning, waiting for everyone else to leave before she went in and said what she had to say. She doesn't have much time left. There's no way Riza would leave Mustang's side for long.

"She went with Havoc and Breda to the cafeteria. Coffee, or something." Mustang says, reaching up to scratch the back of his head listlessly, sightless eyes boring into a spot over Edward's shoulder. She notices the stubble on his face for the first time, and it shocks her. She's never seen Mustang with his guard down, looking anything less than proper, like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. She briefly wonders how he feels about Grumman taking over the position as Führer, though it's not the right time to ask. "Took a lot of convincing to get her to take a breather for five minutes."

"She cares about you."

"As if I need reminding. She's a remarkable person. A remarkable soldier." Mustang shifts his eyes then, and Edward stiffens when his gaze meets hers perfectly, as if he'd known where they were the entire time. It's hard to imagine him being permanently blind. He'd always seemed so impenetrable. "You all were. I had the perfect team."

She has to do it now. "Umm – "

"You're resigning, aren't you?"

Edward laughs nervously, the sound breathy with disbelief. "You may be blind, but you're as sharp as ever, Brigadier General."

"When did you decide?"

"I mean… even from the beginning, I never planned on staying a State Alchemist once we got our bodies back. And now, with Ali the way she is, I need to focus completely on us, you know? Father and the homunculi are gone, and Grumman's getting this country's shit together, finally. You guys don't need a State Alchemist that can't use alchemy, anyway."

"Your skills in alchemy don't determine your worth, Fullmetal."

"You just want me around so you can have another devoted lapdog, right?" Edward says, though she hates herself for it. Old habits die hard, but this conversation is already difficult enough as is without her damn insecurities rearing their ugly heads. "I'm sorry – "

"Regardless of what you may think, I care about what happens to you, Edward." Mustang says, and while he sounds furious, Edward can't even worry about that, too absorbed with the fact that he used her first name. That doesn't happen often. "Honestly, I always thought you were too soft for the military life. Anyone who refuses to kill doesn't last long."

"I bet I exceeded everyone's expectations, huh?" Edward shoots back, and they sit in furious silence for a while until Edward finally caves. "Dammit, Mustang. We can't even have a simple conversation without getting pissed at each other."

"We're too much alike." Mustang says, and it's perhaps the kindest thing the man's ever said to her. "I can't say I won't be disappointed to not have the Fullmetal Alchemist on my side once I'm Führer, though part of me is glad you're resigning."

"Not as much paperwork to fill out?"

"I won't have to worry about you and Ali as much."

Edward doesn't know what to say, so she stays silent. She's not surprised that Mustang's goals haven't changed. He's blind and yet still envisions a bright future for himself, his country, and the people he loves. Edward never thought she'd be someone the Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishval, cared about. She'd thought she and her sister were just pawns to him, pieces in a game to get everything he wanted, and once he was through with them, he'd dispose of them, just like that.

Edward wants to shake her thirteen, fourteen, fifteen-year-old selves and tell them not to be so distrustful of Roy Mustang, to not let their ill feelings toward men cloud their judgment and allow the man to help them. It certainly would've made things easier, a lot less stressful, but it's too late now. It's their history anyway, and she actually doesn't want to change a thing.

"Fullmetal." When Edward looks up, Mustang is sitting upright again, arms stretched out in front of him with a frown on his face as he stares at the white wall across from him. Edward eyes him in astonishment, not sure what he's trying to do, but then she jolts in her seat, realizing what it is he wants.

She'll admit that she's a bit nervous as she slowly rises from her seat, as if waiting for Mustang to laugh and call her soft for falling for it so easily; but he doesn't move, doesn't seem to be breathing, so she continues to stand and then leans over the bed, wrapping her arms around Mustang's neck and resting her forehead against his shoulder.

She'll always hate Roy. He's infuriating and moronic, can't talk to women, and thinks he knows everything. He's loud and abrasive, pushy, rude, and he puts other people before himself, every time; and it's for those reasons that Edward will always love him, too, because he'll always be that figure that stepped into her life when she'd needed him most. Hoenheim said he was sorry, and Edward is inclined to believe – and possibly forgive – him, because she knows why he left now, but Mustang was always there after everything went to shit, and Edward will never forget that.

"I could have never asked for a better State Alchemist." Mustang says softly, lowering his arms to his lap. Maybe they'll share a real hug, one day, when they're both not so fucking awkward. "We'll miss you around here."

"You can't get rid of me that easily." She says, and she's proud when her voice doesn't waver. There was once a time when she wanted to leave the military and never look back, forget about all she'd had to do and see and live a quiet life with Al, Wes, Granny, and Den in Resembool. Now she's scared of being forgotten. Going back home and celebrating holidays in a house with only four people and a dog is going to be difficult, especially after nearly five years of being surrounded by military personnel.

She still remembers her first Christmas after she joined the military. It had been in Mustang's office back in the east, and she'd watched with a small smile on her face while Al thanked Fuery over and over for the journals he'd given her when a small package was tossed into her lap. "It's not gonna explode is it?" She'd asked tonelessly, giving Mustang a mistrusting glare as she observed the gift, covered neatly in red wrapping paper.

Mustang had smirked, waving his hand dismissively behind him as he sauntered back to his desk. "I guess you'll have to open it and find out."

She didn't open the box until nearly a week later, and she still remembers that flutter of panic she'd experienced when she read the cover of the novel Mustang had gotten for her. It had been a mystery book. Only her mom and Al knew she liked to read books that weren't about alchemy. Not even Wes or Granny knew. Not even Hoenheim.

She'd recognized how dangerous Mustang was that day, and she never thanked him for the book, though she's read and held it so much the edges are worn and the spine is starting to break. It's somewhere a few floors up, currently, in Ali's room. It was one of the first things she wanted to touch after she got her body back, knowing how much it means to her sister.

"Thank you." Edward says, thinking about that first day in Resembool, the book, when Mustang stopped Scar from murdering her the day after Nina was transmuted, and so much more. Sure, he made her run in circles for years, basically making her chase her own tail, but that doesn't seem like an issue anymore. Maybe it never really was. "Thank you for everything, Roy."

* * *

_A.N. _In case you couldn't tell, I'm quite obsessed with the concept of Papa!Roy.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: _Happy Halloween!

* * *

She's awake when the door to her bedroom opens and a shadow stretches across the floorboards.

She knows it's Alphonse – it can't be anyone else, that's impossible – but she doesn't move as she watches her sister move further into the room, stopping just beside Edward's bed, hovering nervously. "Sister… are you awake?"

"Yeah." Edward says, and even in the dim lighting, she can see Al bite her lip nervously. "What's the matter?"

They're both tired, though Edward's not surprised neither of them can sleep. They spent an uneventful day at the Rockbell's after their mother's funeral, sitting with Wes and Pinako in a weird silence only broken by Den's barking as he chased squirrels out in the yard. No one knows what to say to them anymore, not even Wes, who's known them since they were born. Edward wanted to shout at him while they were at his house, to punch him and say that he doesn't have to walk on eggshells around them. Just because their mom is dead doesn't mean everything has to change.

Edward was glad to come home for about five minutes before everything hit her, and she's been lying in her bed with the sound of Al's screaming in her ears and the scent of freshly cut apples in her nose for hours now. She shut herself up in her room, not wanting her sister to see her cry, but so far, nothing's happened. She hasn't cried once since their mom died – Al's cried enough for the both of them anyway – and Edward can't help wonder if something's wrong with her.

"What you said earlier," Al says eventually, sitting down on the bed next to Edward, forcing the older girl to shift over slightly, "about bringing Mom back… did you mean it?"

"Of course I did." Edward says firmly. She's not a person who's all talk and no action and never has been.

"The books in Daddy's study say it's a forbidden science."

Alphonse still hasn't traded in "Daddy" for "Hoenheim," and Edward doubts she ever will. Her sister is still that optimistic little sprite their mother loved, and that, at least, won't change. "Then why is there such extensive research on it? There are theorems and equations. The books even illustrate the Transmutation Circle needed to do it. I don't know if we'll be in trouble for it, Ali, but I want to risk it. You don't have to have any part in it if you don't want. I can pull it off on my own. Granny always says I'm gifted."

Edward burrows into the sheets, not really wanting to think about the Human Transmutation just yet. She wants it more than anything and will do whatever it takes to get to a point where she has a shot at pulling it off; but for tonight, she wants to be ten years old. She wants to allow herself to be angry at everything and everyone for living on while her mom is gone before moving on when the sun rises in the morning. She has to take care of Al now, is the head of her own household, and Edward needs all her energy for that.

"I couldn't fall asleep." Al says quietly. "I realized after a while I was waiting for her to come and tuck me in. You know… she always flipped my pillows so the cold side was facing up, because she knew I liked being cool when I was falling asleep, even if my body would warm everything up pretty quickly."

Edward nods. Her mom would always bring her extra blankets during the winter because she knew her eldest daughter hated the cold. She always did so much for them both, things that are going to die along with her, and Edward closes her eyes. "I'm tired, Ali."

The bed creaks as Al shifts, and Edward can feel her sister settling down on the bed beside her. When she opens her eyes, Al is watching her intently, golden eyes just a shade darker than Edward's own intense with something Edward hasn't seen since their mom died. "You don't fool me, Ed."

"What – "

"You're just as upset as I am. But you don't show it. Why?"

Edward doesn't say anything for a moment, frowning as she lifts the sheets so Al can settle in completely. It's become obvious to her that her sister won't be leaving tonight. She can't tell her the truth, that she's being stoic for Al's benefit. "It's kinda weird. I want to cry, but I can't."

"I could slap you?"

"Don't even think about it."

Alphonse laughs, and while it's not true or free, it's still a laugh, and it lifts Edward's spirits somewhat. "You don't have to be so strong all the time. No one's gonna make fun of you if you cry."

"Yeah, tell that to the guys at school." Edward grumbles. "Go to sleep, Al."

Edward waits and waits, and when Alphonse doesn't say anything else, she assumes her sister has finally fallen asleep. Carefully so as not to disturb Al, Edward shifts until she can wrap an arm around her sister's back, resting her chin on the top of Al's head and blinking sluggishly into the darkness. Though she tries to resist, the tears come quickly.

It's during the night that Edward thinks about her mom being gone the most, though she's only been dead for a week or so. It's hard to keep track of time now. Edward would always fall asleep to her mom shuffling throughout the house, the sound of dishes clanging in the sink, a whole assortment of things. Before, she would hear her mom and Hoenheim talking quietly to one another. Edward doesn't know what it was they would talk about, though she does know that in the morning, when she and Al ate breakfast, Hoenheim would stay in his study for longer periods of time while her mom avoided the room like the plague, still cheerful on the outside but different, somehow.

Edward would reverse the clock if given the option. Even if it meant dealing with Hoenheim forever, it would all be worth it, if only she could have her mother back. No one understood her better, not even Al, who still isn't sure why her older sister yells at her at the mention of the father who'd run out on them. It's starting to hit Edward hard that if the transmutation goes wrong, she's never going to see the woman who taught her how to smile through the pain ever again.

Edward's chest bounces suddenly, and Al is quick to wrap her arms around her sister, holding her tight, not asleep after all. "I don't know if we can do it… Human Transmutation… " Al whispers, and Edward tries to listen, though all her energy is focused on trying not to sob into her sister's hair, "but I want to try, so I can see her smile again. Don't ask me to sit by and watch, because I can't let you do that alone, Sister. We're all we've got now."

"You're not allowed to die." Edward says, and she tightens her hold on Al, as if she'll disappear if she lets go. "Not before me."

"Sister – "

"We'll never give up. Ever. I don't care if the world is out to get us, Ali, you're not allowed to give in, you understand?"

"I understand."

"Promise me."

"I promise. I _won't_ give in. But you can't either, Ed." Alphonse sniffs rather pathetically, and it strikes Edward that from now on, she's going to be the one to dry her sister's tears. "We'll die together when we're old. Okay?"

They'll meet in the middle, then, and while Edward knows it's a farfetched reality, she'll deal with it in the morning.

"Okay."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: _Just finished this episode and need to vent some feels, I'm sorry.

* * *

It is a funny thing. Silence, that is.

When she was younger, she relished in a few moments of quiet, those rare times when her sister was in a good mood and all was well in the Elric house. Alphonse is quiet by nature, and she's completely fine with that. Honestly, how would her mom have coped if she and her sister were both hot-tempered and loose-lipped?

Alphonse believes there can be too much of a good thing. Silence is wonderful by principle, but nearly five years of it, well… it's maddening.

Alone in an endless void, she has too much time on her hands. She watches her body grow and deteriorate day by day because she has nothing else to do, notices how skin that was once tough and alive with color is now thin and nearly as pale as the white abyss she is surrounded by.

Sometimes Truth talks to her, tells her about her soul and her sister and how well they're doing – even if that's not the case – but it doesn't help to curb the animal clawing at Alphonse's insides, growing more frenzied as years pass. Truth talks to her like she's a student, eager to learn, when Alphonse doesn't really give a damn about anything that isn't her sister or her wayward soul. Truth doesn't come very often, though. Alphonse has no sense of time – it's only because of Truth that she knows it's been five years since that day – but she does know Truth will only show up when Alphonse is at her lowest, when the silence in her head becomes too much and she's close to admitting that she doesn't think Edward will ever find a way to save her.

Truth will come and speak with her, give her a taste of everything she's lost, and then leave again. Alphonse would like to explore and see where Truth goes when it's not with Alphonse at her gate, but she lost the ability to walk a while back.

When the day comes that someone aside from Truth pays her a visit, Alphonse is having a good day. She's studying the intricate designs on her portal when she hears that deafening roar and resounding thud, and the disturbance in her quiet void hurts her head. She doesn't want to turn, thinks it's only Truth and another one of its demonstrations and is about to curl into herself so she can't listen to it, not today, but then she hears it, and it's somehow much louder than the horrific groaning had been.

"Were there always… two portals?"

Truth once told her that her disembodied soul can't feel physical sensation. "Her despair grows with each passing day. It is as if she has forgotten that you are here and she is not." Truth had said. Alphonse knows Truth is not malicious, doesn't say those things with the sole purpose of hurting her. Truth is not kind, nor is it pretty. It simply is, and Alphonse understands that.

If her soul can't feel physically, then Alphonse, with only her ailing body, cannot feel emotionally. How can she, without her soul? She remembers how it feels to feel, has her memories, and they, at least, can suffice, but it's never good enough. Despair is primal, and while Alphonse thinks she feels it sometimes, when the silence is too great and she screams and curses, does she really?

Regardless, Alphonse doesn't experience emotion easily, and when she hears her sister's voice for the first time in five years, the only thing she can do is turn around and stare, because she can't get up and run to her the way she wants to; she doesn't have the capacity for it.

Edward is bloody and bruised, her arm is in a splint and she looks like she's about to keel over, but her eyes are so vibrant and golden that it physically hurts Alphonse to look at them. Edward's jaw slackens, her too bright eyes widen, and suddenly she's up and running toward Alphonse, a complete eyesore in this realm of white and deteriorating flesh.

Her gate begins to open, Edward's time has run up, and Alphonse struggles to push herself to her feet as black tendrils of smoke grab her sister, pulling her back to the place where she belongs, a place that can withstand her life. Deep down, Alphonse knows she longs for her sister, and she searches her memories, thinks of those nights after her mom died, and it's from there that she draws the phantom wisps of want and desire for her older sister. "Al!" How long has it been since she's been called that? "Come on! _Please, _hurry up!"

Alphonse is standing up fully now, watching as her sister is drawn back into the darkness. Edward looks desperate, so close to losing it, but Alphonse stays silent, uncertain of her own voice, though on that last desperate _Ali, _she knows she can't stay quiet, as she's grown accustomed. "I can't."

Edward gasps and grows pliant, and Alphonse knows a "Why?" is on the tip of her sister's tongue. "I can only leave with my own soul." Alphonse says, smiling for her sister's benefit. Regret, leftover from when she allowed Den to get hurt, consumes her. "I'm sorry. I can't go with you."

Edward's devastation is written across her face, and it throws Alphonse off, because when has Ed ever shown emotion so openly to her? She realizes then that she doesn't really know her sister anymore, hasn't seen how the past five years have changed her. This person before her is a stranger, and Alphonse knows that, to Edward, she must look like a stranger as well. The Alphonse she must remember was never this malnourished.

That look of absolute sadness is all Alphonse can see until Edward's gate finally slams shut, separating the sisters once more, and Alphonse is left looking at that one word on her sister's portal, the only one Alphonse can actually read. _Adonai._

Alphonse releases a sigh and closes her eyes, though her small smile doesn't fall from her lips for a few precious moments; but the fact remains that she is by herself again, alone until Truth decides to return, and it's enough to sap what little energy Alphonse has left. She releases her hold over her memories, and all sensation leaves her, slipping from her mind like grains of sand. She stumbles on her uncertain legs, preparing to turn and retreat back to her gate, but then she hears another crash.

Alphonse stares, transfixed, as Edward – furious, bloody, alive – reappears from within her portal, just behind her automail arm, creaking with effort. Had her sister just… _punched _open the Portal of Truth? "Alphonse!" Edward yells, pushing both arms through the portal to dig her elbows into the stone, refusing to be pulled back in just yet. "Look at me!"

_I am. I am, Sister, how could I look away?_

"I _promise_. Someday soon, I'm coming back for you!" Alphonse feels a twinge of sensation in her chest as her sister glares at her, something that she didn't have to work for or call upon old memories to feel. Edward. Her idiotic, wonderful sister, who always made her want to believe in the impossible. How could Alphonse have doubted her and her promises? She was the Fullmetal Alchemist, after all.

"Just you wait." Edward is practically spitting out the words. She's really angry; or just trying to get her point across. She succeeds, regarding Alphonse like she's a child who doesn't understand, couldn't possibly understand, so how could Alphonse _not _hear her?

Maybe Truth knows the final outcome and pretends not to, though Alphonse doesn't care. She won't listen anymore when Truth asks, "Is she here yet?" just as it does every time they see one another. Truth is wrong about Edward, though it isn't wrong about much. Alphonse believes in her sister more than she does in absolute truth anyway.

"_Wait _for me!_"_

_Always._


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: _Because I couldn't resist.

* * *

"Miss Hawkeye?"

Even though she's nearly twelve, this is by far the most embarrassing thing Al has ever had to do.

"Yes, what is it, Alphonse?"

Breda, Fuery, and Havoc are pretending to be busy at their desks, though Alphonse knows they're listening, anything to distract them from their boring desk jobs. Mustang is filing paperwork as well, and while he actually looks like he's concentrating, it's probably just because Hawkeye is hovering nearby.

The suit of armor fidgets in place, worrying her hands together in front of her as she fishes through her thoughts for the right words to say. "Um, I need to talk to you. It's about Sister."

"Fullmetal?" Mustang says tonelessly. He's not looking at Al, though his pen has stopped moving. "What did she do this time?"

"No, it's not – " All eyes are suddenly on her, and Alphonse is thankful that she can't blush, if only this once. Gosh, she's not even a real person anymore and people can _still _tell when she's nervous. "I mean, she didn't _do _anything. She just has a question about… something, and she needs you, Miss Hawkeye."

The blonde woman regards Al curiously, and Al tries to convey her desperation through her gaze alone, though she knows it's not really working. She's anxious to get out of the office and back to Ed, who's probably still curled up in the bathtub with her legs pressed together. Ed's outward demeanor hadn't been all that concerned when Alphonse started shrieking that there was a stain in her sister's underwear when she'd started to change out of her pajamas, though she'd insisted that Alphonse go find Hawkeye when neither of them could figure out how to make the situation less of a mess.

It's not as if the sisters didn't know what was happening. They just… weren't really prepared to deal with it.

"I see." Hawkeye says eventually, and Alphonse inwardly jumps for joy. "If you'll excuse me, Colonel. This shouldn't take long."

Mustang makes a noise to show that he's listening, though his dark eyes are trained on Al as Hawkeye starts to follow the young girl out the door. Al feels that he's trying to figure her out, and she sighs in relief when Hawkeye closes the door behind them. "Where's Edward?"

"In our room. She didn't want to… move around or anything. You understand what the problem is, right?"

Hawkeye smiles slightly, nodding. "Yes. You go stay with your sister while I run to the store. I won't be long."

"Thank you, Miss Hawkeye." Al says, though she hadn't really doubted that Hawkeye would catch on eventually. She's one of the most intelligent women Alphonse has ever met. "Sister will appreciate it."

* * *

"What do you think that was about?" Fuery says, almost to himself, as Hawkeye leaves the room with Alphonse without even bothering to explain what was going on.

"Who knows." Breda replies, dropping his pen unceremoniously to roll his wrist a few times. He hadn't really paid much attention to the exchange, only knows that Hawkeye is gone for a while and they can all relax for a few moments. "Probably women stuff."

"… _Oh_."

Mustang stares pointedly at his paperwork while Havoc snorts, reaching for his lighter. "This is gonna be a long fucking week."


End file.
